I wrote a post at the beginning of January saying the aim of my year was to be the best version of me. The end of 2015 was engulfed in an anxiety ridden stillness of life that took me a while to shake off. With job woes, money woes and all round life woes it wasn’t a pretty place to be in and I feel I’ve finally defeated it.
Firstly, I’ve stopped putting effort into people who don’t give me their all. And the best thing is that this didn’t end negatively either. I took a step back and laid out my problems on the table: problems with my eyes, general life problems. and filled them in on my life. I felt with some people that I let them take centre stage and I was the quieter person at the back when my issues were just as important. I started taking steps forward and laying my cards on the table and seeing people react. Let them console me and let them help me for once. And the best thing was, they did help me. Shouting up a little bit louder and letting myself be heard worked a hell of a lot better than stewing in the corner.
My health seems to be back on track. After a stressful few months regarding eye drama and A LOT of tears and panicking, I feel like I’m coming out the other side. I’m starting to wear make up again, I can wear my contact lenses on weekends for about half a day and I have finally started to accept I don’t look a total drip in glasses. Like, I still really really hate wearing my glasses but I look alright. My skins cleared up from the stress and I finally got out of my Harry Potter pjs post eye-lasering. I had my second eye lasered on the Thursday and I didn’t get out of them until the Thursday after. It wasn’t a pretty sight and I only got out of them to go and eat a waffle. But, it’s OK. I’m still quite conscious of seeing any floaters and panic when I see a new one, but, I don’t Google on how I get a guide dog and braille lessons every week. Pros and cons and all that.
The best news is that The Geek nabbed himself a full time job. This has been the cherry on top for our household as it’s opened up a whole corridor of doors for us. It means the house fund can keep growing and the distant dreams of being a home owner can become a reality. It also means I can put 110% into finding my feet in my own career ventures. Over the past few weeks, I’ve very much adapted the whole, ‘If you don’t ask you don’t get’ persona. Obviously, I do this within reason but not everything lands on your lap. I’ve been pushing myself further to achieve what I want career wise and hopefully within the next few months something exciting will have come from it all!
I suppose the point of this post is to say that by putting myself first and surrounding myself with the positive people in my life has helped my mental attitude. I feel like the lot more sparklier, happier version of me. I’ve felt that this year I’ve been that person who’s been a bit more thankful of life and appreciated the moments a bit more. I remember being sat in a bar in Scarborough earlier this year with a beer, the boyfriend and just sat in the bar area people watching and I thought that this is the start of something positive. I was in my happy place and I’ve been seeking out more opportunities to get me to my happy place. I don’t know where the location is quite yet but it definetely involves The Geek, Rufus, switching off from technology for night or two, good food and good wine.
So, here is to hoping that 2016 brings more positivity and I keep on growing and sparkling along the way