You know when you have those thoughts whilst you are randomly pottering about the house? Well, this was one of them. How materialistic am I? Is it a bad thing? Is it a good thing?
It’s been one of those things that I’ve been having an internal battle with for the past couple of months. It’s something that I’ve been thinking more about mostly due to wedding planning. I’m at that phase in my planning where I know what I want but haven’t bought any of the goods yet. Partly because I have nowhere to store it and secondly, weddings are bloody expensive.
It’s a strange thing for me, this whole wedding planning. When it comes down to it, I’m not a hugely materialistic person. I’m not the kind of person to fall in love with handbags, want the fanciest furniture or the flashiest car. I’m a person who hugely lives for experiences. The hardest part of this year is knowing I can’t just book a cheeky night away with really cheap flights. If you were to give me a £1,000 and I had to spend it – I would instantly buy 2 plane tickets to New York. Give me £500, I’d book a trip to Rome. Give me £200, you’ll see me in a country hotel with my dog drinking a glass of red wine in front of a log burner.
But, with my experience of wedding planning. I’m having to be materialistic for the life experience. The one thing that I can’t wait for is to marry my best friend and have a fabulous time with my family and friends. So, when I’m being asked what flowers I want or what dress I want, I just kinda freeze. I can’t tell you what flowers we’re having but I can list off the drinks we’re serving after we’re married and where I want to go on honeymoon or a minimoon, if I can squeeze one in.
Then it gets confusing in my little old head. Because, really, I’m having a materialistic wedding. It’s a typical millennial wedding that it costs the price of a mortgage for one day. I made a promise to myself I wouldn’t be one of those brides that gets swept up in ridiculous costs and refrain from becoming a bridezilla, but once you’ve been to wedding fair after wedding fair, it’s pretty easy. They entice you in with their free coffee and cute little biscuits and before you know it, you’re talking of spending thousands of pounds as if it’s a fiver in your wallet. You’re talking about £400 is a good price for a cake. £400 on a cake! Real life Becky wouldn’t even spend £4 on a cake. Never mind £400!
I try to bring myself back down to reality after fayres or going to see our venue. We’re lucky with our venue that we can see it whenever we like, and it’s a five minute drive from our favourite brunch spot. Usually, we team up looking at the venue with brunch because although it’s wonderful to keep seeing our venue, it can also be quite stressful thinking about all the stuff I have to do. All the things I need to buy and store. The things I will have no idea what to do with after we’re married. Simple things, like going out for brunch, certainly help bring me back to reality as it’s just part of our everyday lives.
To me, that’s the key to this whole wedding planning business. To keep it fresh with reality. I spent the first month or so of our engagement in a bubble. It was a glorious bubble of looking at the world in rose-tinted glasses and feeling that life is wonderful. Then, my fiance and I argued over something stupid, and I overreacted. I remember thinking, how can we be loosing our shit at each other when we’re going to be getting married? That’s when it hit me. Real life doesn’t stop because you’ve got a ring on your finger. Bad stuff still happens. Fiance’s still never empty the bin. Bad days still happen, whether you’re single, in a relationship, married or engaged. As soon as that bubble popped, the reality of wedding planning hit me.
I recently joined a Fcaebook group about wedding items and promptly left after reading half the posts. People were loosing their shit over Bridesmaids boxes and slippers. That’s when it hit me – I don’t give a damn about things like that. I want the venue to look nice, but, I want it to feel right. It needs to have a certain vibe where everyone is having a great time. I want people to spend the day at our wedding thinking the whole vibe is us that they are caught up in the emotion and feelings of us.
Now when I browse through Pinterest or discuss wedding ideas with anyone; the first thing I always ask myself is, is this us? If it isn’t, it’s off the list. Are we having a chocolate fountain? No, because my fiance only really likes dark chocolate and I’ll always pick a packet of crisps over a Dairy Milk. Is there going to be a strong theme of my dog being there? Yep, because adding Rufus into our lives has completed our little family. My bridesmaid numbers don’t match the groomsmen numbers, do I care? No, because I’m asking the perfect people to accompany me down the aisle. I make sure I ask myself first if it’s us, and it is making me feel more empowered planning this wedding, and that I’m not drowning trying to keep a balance in creating the perfect day and what I want.