It’s crazy to think that I’ve been engaged to be married for a year.
It’s been a year since The Geek and I went to our annual trip to Boardstairs where The Geek took me to a dog friendly speech and asked me to marry him. I wouldn’t have known my perfect proposal before but I honestly think he nailed it. I remember looking out to sea and thinking, this is my happy place. There was a Rufus-esque dog woofing at the sea, dogs everywhere the eye could see, sunny weather and on a beach. And he just topped it by asking the question.
It was surreal that a life changing moment had happened in that moment. It was weird that my parents had been in on it and were expecting a text from me. It was weird my boyfriend went out and picked me a ring. It was weird that my boyfriend did a 4 hour drive with me, watched me demolish a large McDonalds breakfast and try and convince him Kent isn’t full of horses, yet still want me to be his wife.
It was surreal how much love I felt in that moment. How weird it was I had to go back to my friend’s house and it was our time to shine. That I’d need to let everyone know; take their congratulations and process that this moment was happening to us.
That this was our moment.
We quickly booked our wedding in the September and since then it’s been pretty chill. It’s been this whole breeze of ‘It’s not till 2018, we don’t need to worry about it yet’, but it’s frigging August and yes I do need to start worrying about it. No one prepared me for the mind blowing world of planning a wedding and how many decisions there are to make about flowers, venues, food and colour schemes.
I went through a phase of hating wedding planning. I found it difficult; it was an act of balancing my own expectations and having to make decisions about things I didn’t know a lot about or things I didn’t think mattered. I’m a pretty chilled and laid back person who takes situations as they come; so no I don’t know what dress I want nor do I know what shade of purple I want things to be.
I’ve enjoyed planning the things that matter to me; I loved planning my invites, I loved sorting the music for the ceremony and through out the day and I’m so excited for the food meetings. Planning everything has made me realise exactly what does matter to me wedding wise; music, food and having that essence of us.
There were times where I didn’t understand why I felt myself hate wedding planning and talking of weddings so much. I dreaded the question when I was sat with friends and them asking me how it was going. Truth? I’d done sweet f all and is not rush to do anything more. I was living some girls dream of planning their special day and I was sat there feeling half arsed about it. I was having the big wedding in the countryside, in a huge beautiful house and I was sat there feeling meh.
That’s the advice I would give myself if I could, a year ago. It’s OK not to like this wedding planning crap. It’s OK to not give a real thought about flowers and sideboards and what goes where.
Everythime I feel overwhelmed or disheartened by it all, I defeat the thoughts by doing something that brings me back down to reality. Or something that’s the true reflection of me. It’s so easy to get caught up in things I wouldn’t have cared about 2 years ago. I make the effort to go out for brunch, or walk the dog or go out for a coffee. It gives me that pinch of reality remembering that all that truly matters is that we both have a good day.
And that’s what I want. I want to be able to call my boyfriend my husband. I want our day to be full of love; in our own little geeky and unique way. I want plenty of drink flowing and everyone with their bellies full of good food. I want laughter. I want my little dog there. I want music that reflects us. It may not be the world’s most generic wedding but it’ll most definitely be our wedding.
The last year has been a whirlwind and it really does throw me to think we’ve been engaged a year. What blows my mind even more is to think that this time next year I’ll actually be a wife and have a husband.