I wrote this post a couple of months ago but I still felt it was important to share it. Self care is one of the most important things you can do.
I’ve been suffering with something recently, and it wrote off a Saturday not so long ago. I’m not proud of it, but it’s been something that has been on mind for the past few days. My brain has been working overdrive trying to figure out what’s been going on. The only conclusion I’ve come to with is this:
I had a low mood hangover.
A low mood hangover? What the heck is one of them, I hear you ask.
Well, the easiest way of putting it is that I spent my whole Saturday sat on my sofa, watching an an entire season of Friends only to move to eat beige food and drink tea. It sounds perfect; the ultimate lazy Saturday. Except, it wasn’t. It was tinged with one feeling: I do not want to adult today and I feel like absolute shit about it.
As soon as I woke up on Saturday morning, I knew it was going to be a shit day. I had a mild alcohol induced headache from the night before and the horrible morning dry mouth where you want to down at least 2 pints of water and 2 paracetamol. I had an excited boyfriend who was about to go on his stag do, my house was a bit of a mess from the late night gin we were drinking at 2am. I looked around the house, and I just saw my to do list getting bigger and bigger and I just couldn’t do it.
I tried everything I could in the huge mood boosters of life. I made a decent breakfast, which would usually set me up for the day. I even made a pot of tea to myself so I could be the ultimate lazy girl of not having to keep going to the kitchen. I even got dressed – not into anything fancy but at least into something that wasn’t my PJs.
And it just didn’t work.
Everything that usually gets me through the day couldn’t fight off this mood. No amount of coffee, prioritizing my to do list or trying to get an ounce of productivity was going to work or push me through it. So I accepted it. I accepted that this Saturday was one for being in a sofa coma, wrapped up in my favourite blanket and having to soothe my soul with beige food. I listened to the mood that I was in, I accepted it and I let the emotions wash over me.
It was horrible. It was a horrible day of self doubt, feeling alone and that I couldn’t do anything right. I didn’t have the energy to source help from my friends nor even reply to half the messages on Whatsapp. But, letting me feel those emotions and letting my body rest really helped me the next day. I had an early night – making sure I was in bed for 11pm, and I slept knowing the Sunday was going to be another day. It was a day of plans, a day of hope and most of all, it was a day where I wouldn’t be in my mind.
And it was a good day. I spent the afternoon with positive, like minded people who lifted me out of my sadness. It was like that moment in Inside Out where Sadness and Joy finally work together. And since that day I resigned myself to the sofa, I haven’t had a day like it since.
I’ve learnt that sometimes, you need to give into those moods. It didn’t make me a weak person, I wasn’t less of a person for writing off a Saturday. I was doing the right thing for myself, and I know in the future I’m going to let my mind and my body have those moods again.